---------

Some days are harder than others. Honestly, what is the trigger or the reason is very hard to determine. Somedays you wake up like "let's do it" sometimes just you just do not see the point. I know I should maybe seek help, I do understand the good things in my life, and I focus on them. Without these things I would be lost they are the ones that keep me out of the swamp.
I never thought myself as needy, maybe I am, I never saw myself as Self-centered, perhaps I am. Perhaps I have to just learn to be the mediocre self I am. Perhaps I should not aspire for greatness because maybe it's not for me. maybe I peaked, and I just have to settle in what I am. Maybe, i am too old. maybe i am only not what i thought i was. Uncertainties fill my thoughts while I am surrounded by certainties.
i keep pushing out of the swamp and focus on the positive constants in my life. There are many, and they are all beautiful some of them give me daily fuel to be the best that I can be. I know this is temporary and at times speaking with the people I love, is like showing them I am fragile, and nobody wants someone like that in their life, especially when they are adults.
I am writing here where I can vent and let my thoughts leave my head rather than creating larger roots. I need to settle and have a solid base, and this is what I am working on. Day by day, the objective will always be to focus on my beautiful wife, my incredible son, and the family that wraps us.